Coffee Break Connection
WELCOME TO COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION!
Now is a time to build connection with one another.
Suddenly, many of us are experiencing a heightened sense of isolation and stress.
While social distancing is a critical health measure at this time, it is important to remember that it is meant to insist on a geographical distance between us, not an emotional distance. As humans we are hardwired for connection, we are meant to live in community, we have an important psychological need to feel like we are a part of one another.
Because joy, compassion, connection, and love are contagions that we do want to transmit, I’m posting virtual coffee breaks for connection, an exercise that you can complete with colleagues and friends that will offer you new ways of creating connection in the time it takes to drink a Latte. Research shows the power of collective restoration; when we socialize, exchange stories, and celebrate one another, we increase our productivity and our wellbeing.
Now more than ever we need to celebrate what’s right with the world.
If you would like to receive these experiments via email send a note to tania@advivum.ca and put “coffee break” in the subject line. You may also find them on:
FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/AdvivumJourneys/
LINKEDIN: www.linkedin.com/in/taniacarriere/
INSTAGRAM: advivumjourneys
Please note, to respect your overflowing inboxes, I will not email these to you unless you ask or choose to follow us on social media.
I hope that you will all join me, as you are a part of my tribe. Our togetherness is what will keep me nourished … and sane.
Reach out anytime - an open invitation - I am here!
And reach out to one another.
~Tania
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: SHOOTING STARS
Can we trust in the abundance of what is around us, even when we can’t see it?
It might seem like shooting stars are rare, but in reality, they streak across the sky all the time, it is just that we may not be witnessing them.
What if we trusted and just made a wish?
Have a look at my blog post: Sunsets and Shooting Stars
-Tania
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: IS THIS STILL SERVING ME?
Being conscious of what we are bringing into our future gives us the power to ask ourselves, “Is this what I choose to bring with me?”
Lightening our load can give us more energy to explore, experiment and become.
What behaviours, habits, or thoughts are not serving you and can you decide to leave them behind? Create space, feel lighter and start something new by intentionally asking “Is this still serving me?”
If it is not, do not pack it into the baggage that you are taking into the future!
Have a look at my blog post: The Day I Left It On The Train
Our first Grounded Retreat, Wanderlust Revived, is now open for registration. Grounded Retreats is a series of free online retreats, inspired exploration from the comfort of home! JOIN US: www.advivumjourneys.ca/retreats
-Tania
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: HOW WILL WE STEP INTO THE NEW?
Seeing our way into a new possibility can be a bit overwhelming when we can’t quite imagine the conditions, the needs or the realities that might emerge.
Instead of asking myself for the definitive answer with a strategy and a plan, I can ask instead “what is a good first step?”.
This gives me the momentum and the calm I need to take a decisive action.
From there I can reassess the situation and simply ask myself again… what is a good first step? That way, one step at a time, I can emerge into the new.
-Tania
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: NOTICE THE MOMENTS
Manage the monotony by “noticing” what is happening in the moment.
Drop in and observe what you are experiencing right now - having thoughts, feelings, reactions - and search for what there is to appreciate or learn in them.
What is the gem for me to find today? What is the thing that I can treasure? What can I learn about myself in this moment?
- Tania
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: REVISIT THE WHY
Feeling a little like Groundhog day?
Many of us have started to move through our lists with numbness and resignation. We are “getting it done” but not really connecting with the task.
One way to reengage with the activities on your list is to ask yourself “why am I doing this?” and reconnect to your sense of purpose.
That sense of purpose will re-energize your focus, help you to be present and create intention in your actions.
Have a look at this article, Doing Things on Purpose With Purpose by Camille Leblanc-Bazinet published by Oxygen Magazine
-Tania
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: CHALLENGE YOUR NORM
Will there be a new normal?
I think in order for this to be the case we will need to be intentional about who we want to be and what we will chose to change in the future.
It means looking at all the things that we think are “the way it is”.
Be observant to the patterns in your day and ask yourself what could be changed?
-Tania
Here is a wonderful article by Patience Ogunbona, Certified Transformational Coach, Trainer and Speaker. Thrive Global Media: Creating A New Normal
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: Move from “have to“ thinking to “chose to” thinking
“Have to“ language traps us in a power dynamic with ourselves and for most of us our first reaction is to resist.
Move to “chose to” language and you put yourself back in the driver’s seat to empower yourself.
When we step into choice, we step into our will and engage in our own power.
~Tania
Here’s a lovely little blog post to read on reframing our thinking:
http://www.iamrunningthis.com/i-dont-have-to-i-choose-to/
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: READY TO BE SELF-CENTRED?
Thriving in change and supporting others through these times requires us to consider what we need for our own self-care in order to maintain our emotional, physical, mental and spiritual lives.
Now more than ever we need to be “ok” about putting ourselves at the centre of our own attention.
Let’s leave behind the old scripting that says that self-centred is “selfish” and accept that showing up for others requires that we first show up for ourselves.
Here’s a little bit of reading from Stephen Shapiro- Innovation Insights:
Why Being Self-Centered is Good
~Tania
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: ARE YOU SPENDING TIME FANTASIZING
Fantasy - the telling of a story with extravagant or unrestrained images.
I have heard that many of you are doing a lot of this! You may call it “worrying”; imagining the future with all of the twists and turns that could happen and all the negative consequences that are possible.
But it is all fantasy - a story that is not “real” that projects an outcome that has not happened. A negative story has dire effects on your wellbeing.
Planning and being alert in the present is different than letting yourself go into an epic storyline that is not grounded in what IS.
If you are going to fantasize, how about spending time imagining wondrous possibilities? It is much better for you and a lot more fun!
~Tania
Here is a great article that suggests some ways to stop the flow of catastrophic thinking:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/catastrophic-thinking-when-your-mind-clings-to-worst-case-scenarios/
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: KNOW WHEN AN APOLOGY MIGHT BE THE RIGHT THING
Anxiety, stress, frustration, self-doubt, uncertainty are running high and for most of us, it has lead to a few moments where we have reacted in ways that we wish we hadn’t. We are feeling short, snapping at one another, relying on sarcasm to deal with our discomfort.
It doesn’t feel good.
Here’s something to try next time it happens… an old school apology. Instead of falling into a shame spiral, be empathetic to yourself, take a deep breath and start by saying to yourself, ”Snapping at someone is not like me, I am someone who is clear and kind.”
Then begin to apologize -
•Express remorse - “I’m sorry I snapped at you and started bossing you around.”
•Be accountable for the behaviour - “I know my remark put you in a difficult position in the middle of that meeting.”
•Make amends - “I will be sure to share respectfully in our next call.”
•Know what you need to do to behave differently - "I am going to take a walk in order to destress before our call so that I can be better able to deal with the day’s issues.”
Give it a try.
~Tania
Here is a wonderful article about the art of a good apology. Have a look:
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: HAVE A TODDLER MOMENT - PLAY AND HAVE FUN
What would happen if we gave ourselves the gift of curiosity, innocence and play? If we model ourselves after the sweet toddlers who continue to go about the business of discovery and play we too can create a moment of reprieve in imaginary fun.
My idea of play is to wave my magic wand and imagine I could go on any retreat I wished right now. To give myself an escape full of curiosity I started to troll some of my favourite websites and dream of the retreat I would be on if I had a magic wand.
I noticed that soon after I felt lighter for having escaped the stress of our world right now by doing something that was, for me, a whole lot of fun!
Want to join me? Go to Queen of Retreats or your favourite retreat website. I’ve invited a few friends to create this fantasy with me… and we are laughing at our choices while enjoying the innocence of the moment. It is ok to escape into a moment of play.
Go and have a look at Queen of Retreats. Where would YOU go?
https://queenofretreats.com/experiences/
~Tania
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: BE INTENTIONAL IN YOUR GREETINGS
Have you noticed that we are not throwing away our standard greetings anymore? The rote norm of “how are you - fine - you?” now has intention behind it.
For me, it is a reminder that a greeting is a sacred moment, an invitation to share space, to take someone in, to check into their being, to stand in togetherness.
I am enjoying the renewed intention that we have in our greetings and am asking myself to take this learning into our “new normal”, whenever that may be.
Today, pay attention to how you are greeting one another. What intentions are you carrying into that greeting? When you are out for a walk, on the phone with a friend, or doing your essential shopping, ask someone, "How Are You?". Be intentional, be open to hearing the answer. Respond with your truth.
~Tania
“Each time a person passes by you and you say 'hello', imagine that person turning into a candle. The more positivity, love and light you reflect, the more light is mirrored your way.” ~ Suzy Kassem
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: STARTS AND STOPS
One of the things that many of us is experiencing right now is a sense of timelessness, or maybe you would phrase it as "Groundhog Day", things are all blending together, giving us a sense of this time as being “never-ending”.
I think that in this time it is important to do things that have crisp "starts" and "stops", so I encourage you to think about your days and your projects with clean start and stop times. See if you can give yourself milestones in your days, your projects, your parenting, your relationships, your work. Create a Time Sheet to mark your work hours. Start at the same time each day, take your coffee breaks, and remember to end your day by booking off.
When you get to a moment of completion, give yourself a high five and feel a sense of accomplishment. See the following blog post to read about celebrating milestones:
https://www.advivumjourneys.ca/blog/i-did-it
~Tania
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: MINIMIZE YOUR CHOICES
If you are feeling that there are too many offers, too many projects, too many intentions, too many goals, it may be time to practice reframing, as we learned in Coffee Break Connection: Watch your language.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-EGDU-PLhU&list=PLVMjKBuzeDpMX7-2eZF8PKNV0lIH1Y3T2
Try this language, reframe “there are too many” to “there are too many FOR ME”. This reframe allows you to ask the question, “Is this serving me right now?”
I felt overwhelmed with the number of emails I was receiving, each one with a generous offer. To manage the overwhelm I noticed how I felt when I saw who the sender was, I noticed if I was inclined to open it or delete it, I noticed how I felt when I engaged with the message and then I made a choice - this is serving me right now, I want more or this is not serving me right now, and preventing me from getting to what I need, I will let it go.
It has meant 25 fewer emails a day.
It was worth it
If you are feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself what you can do to minimize? Too many choices can be an anxiety builder. Taking back control over your inbox will help you breathe easier. Practice engaging in what serves you.
Today, take 10 minutes and go through your inbox. "Unsubscribe" from all of those lists that simply clutter your e-mails. Empty your Junk folder, delete the e-mails that you know you do not need to open, and reply to one e-mail that will serve you right now.
~Tania
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: FALL IN LOVE OVER LUNCH
This one might stretch your coffee break to a lunch hour but it is totally worth it.
I incorporate this fascinating experiment into all my team building workshops! The author claims that intimacy between two people can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions.
Does it work? you bet! We all know that love is not restricted to romances and the best teams and friends genuinely care about one another.
Choose someone, set a timer and go through these 36 Questions within an hour:
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/style/36-questions-that-lead-to-love.html
~Tania
If you would like to receive these experiments via email send a note to : tania@advivum.ca and put “coffee break” in the subject line.
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: TAKE A 5 MINUTE GUIDED BREAK
Suddenly I notice the hamster wheel in my head turning around and around…
the worry about how we are all adapting, my to-do list, the planning of dinner…
I just can’t seem to shake it off and get into a better mindset.
This is when I turn to a little meditation reset.
Here’s one that will only take 5 minutes and will act like that cold sip of water on a scratchy throat.
Today, when you notice your thoughts becoming invasive, take a 5-minute break and enjoy my friend Mark Guay’s energy:
https://insighttimer.com/markguay/guided-meditations/5-minute-fix
Use it a as a way to pause between your activities or play it at the start of your next conference call or chat with friends! Connect together in gratitude in this guided meditation and then go on with your day.
Here is another free audio meditation:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/10TW35pzdb91QelL0ZMdNDESi2o4AmE1i/view
For more information about guided meditations and their benefits, click the link below:
https://www.gaiam.com/blogs/discover/about-guided-meditation
~Tania
If you would like to receive these experiments via email send a note to tania@advivum.ca and put “coffee break” in the subject line.
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: TELL A STORY - YOURS.
We love stories - telling them and hearing them!
Learning about others through stories activates the parts of your brain that are associated with mirroring, empathy, visualization and movement and can consequently create a sense of deeper curiosity and connection.
Here’s your challenge: tell your life story to one another, in as much detail as possible, in only 2 minutes. Set the timer and invite everyone to participate. See how much detail you can share and what important events rise to the top. I’ll bet you will discover something, even with people you thought you knew!
Want to hear more stories? You will be fascinated by the lives captured here on Storycorps : https://storycorps.org
And here’s more info on how stories affect our brains.
~Tania
If you would like to receive these experiments via email send a note to: tania@advivum.ca and put “coffee break” in the subject line.
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE
I heard these phrases this week; “The world is falling apart.” “This is a living nightmare.” The words startled me. Be curious about the words that you are choosing - they matter more than you know.
Catastrophizing means we tell ourselves the story of “what is happening” while forecasting the worst possible outcome. The problem is that when you are talking about something negative, you are cueing your amygdala — the “fear center” of your brain — releasing neurotransmitters that interrupt our cognitive functioning, especially with regards to logic and reason. In short, you scare yourself and perpetuate a state of alert.
On the flip side, focusing on positive words and reframing can improve your mood and boost your energy.
Here’s how to reframe: “I am stuck at home” we could reframe by saying “I am safe at home.” “The project is off the rails” turns into, “We are working to meet the timeline”, “This is the worst thing since ww2 “ becomes “The community has not pulled together like this in my lifetime.”
So your challenge this week is to Watch Your Language. Be aware of what stories you are telling yourself. WRITE THEM DOWN and see how you can reframe that language in a way that you notice your mood shifting. Feel free to share your results with me! Give it a try!
~Tania
If you would like to receive these experiments via email send a note to: tania@advivum.ca and put “coffee break” in the subject line.
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: GIVE UP PERFECTION
Apparently, at some point, I said to myself “If there is a pandemic, then I will do pandemic well!” Which is a crazy objective seeing as this is my first pandemic and I have no prior experience.
We’re not supposed to know how to “do” this. Let’s replace the punishing demands of perfections with the gentle inquiry of “what am I able to do right now in this moment?” I am replacing perfection with a sense of discovery; the “way it should be” with an inquiry “how is it now, in the new normal?”
So the experiment I invite you into today is to notice when you or those around you are caught in trying to do things “they way they have always been done” and invite to consider, is there a new normal waiting to be discovered?
~Tania
If you would like to receive these experiments via email send a note to: tania@advivum.ca and put “coffee break” in the subject line.
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: WRITE A LOVE LETTER TO A FRIEND - MAIL IT IF YOU HAVE A STAMP
Somewhere in a cupboard you still have them… paper and envelope.
Time to get old school.
Think about the relationships you are missing right now, the friendships that seem a little distant with all of this social isolation. Sit down and write a letter to someone. Imagine the connection they will feel when they receive it. But good news, the writing of a love letter to a friend also benefits you too, it is scientifically shown to benefit your emotional and mental wellbeing!
The visualization of someone you love while you write to them can create a sense of deeper bond and attachment. The reliving of what you share can bring back positive memories that can counteract the fear and anxiety that you may be hearing around you. As you imagine your recipient opening their letter you will be projecting a positive outcome into the future.
https://www.meghantelpner.com/blog/powerful-health-benefits-of-love-letters/
If you would like to receive these experiments via email send a note to: tania@advivum.ca and put “coffee break” in the subject line.
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION: BE WILLING TO TRY SOMETHING NEW
I had the neighbours over for happy hour, I want to reassure you that I respected all social distancing directives available at this time.
I did it because as an extrovert for whom relationships are a strong value, I was getting a little down in the dumps. Ok, maybe more “frantic and frothing” from being deprived of connections with others. So I invited our neighbours, two couples and proceeded to draw out three circles- each one 2 meters apart (that’s about 6.5 feet) and invited them to arrive with drinks and chairs.
We sat and chatted for hours. It felt so good to share a laugh at these times. What I noticed was that it took some courage to override the tapes in my head about “this isn’t the way it is usually done and what will they think?”
I have heard a lot of clients struggle as many on their teams are attached to “the way we have always done things”.
So the experiment I invite you into today is to notice where you may be holding yourself back from trying something new because you are attached to the belief that there is “a way” that it should be done. Then be brave, write yourself a permission slip to experiment and invent a new way of doing something. Let go of the desire for it to feel familiar or predictable and be willing to create a “new normal”.
~Tania
If you would like to receive these experiments via email send a note to: tania@advivum.ca and put “coffee break” in the subject line.
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION CHALLENGE: MEALS WITH FEELS
- virtual coffee, lunch or Sunday Dinner!
Talking face to face makes all the difference. The next best thing is a video call. With so many technologies available, there is just no reason not to connect and see one another. Oxytocin levels rise when we see each other’s faces. (Oxytocin is a hormone secreted by the posterior lobe of the pituitary gland, a pea-sized structure at the base of the brain. It's sometimes known as the "cuddle hormone" or the "love hormone," because it is released when people snuggle up or bond socially.)
We can read body language which gives us cues about wellbeing while inspiring feelings of togetherness and comfort.
While these tools are superb for business meetings (by the way if you are not using these for your meetings, I highly suggest you do so, they need to replace the countless casual daily interactions that happen in your workday), I am suggesting another use. Connect for lunch, coffee dates and Sunday dinner! Set up a date with a couple of friends, no agenda. Just arrive on-screen with food and a beverage in hand and chat. Before you know it, it will feel like you are gathering together like old times!
I came across a study done by Cornell University which demonstrated that eating together is a particularly powerful source of empathy that builds togetherness and connection.
Have meals with feels and stay connected.
HERE ARE SOME WAYS TO CONNECT:
If you would like to receive these experiments via email send a note to: tania@advivum.ca and put “coffee break” in the subject line. You may also find them on:
FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/AdvivumJourneys/
LINKEDIN: www.linkedin.com/in/taniacarriere/
INSTAGRAM: advivumjourneys
COFFEE BREAK CONNECTION CHALLENGE: PRACTICE GRATITUDE
Here is a gratitude exercise from our retreats that builds resilience and an abundance of JOY.
Think of the day ahead of you and identify 3 things that you can reasonably predict will happen that will bring you JOY. It can be anything, today mine is a phone call scheduled with my favourite aunt, a guilt-free 30 minutes of reading in the middle of the day and pasta for dinner.
When the moment happens, give it recognition with a “yay - this is THAT moment” and feel the joy. (If you share this with coworkers and family it results in the wonderful moment when you overhear others shouting YAY at random times throughout the day!!)
At the end of the day, share with someone or review them to yourself before bed, reliving the moment one more time.
This exercise not only emphasizes being present to things you are grateful for, but it also sharpens your senses and keeps you alert to all the positive things you could be celebrating in your life.
Give it a try today - let us know what 3 things you are looking forward to and then check in with us with a “yay” when they happen!
curious about gratitude?
https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier
If you would like to receive these experiments via email send a note to: tania@advivum.ca and put “coffee break” in the subject line. You may also find them on:
FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/AdvivumJourneys/
LINKEDIN: www.linkedin.com/in/taniacarriere/
INSTAGRAM: advivumjourneys
CONNECTION BREAK CONNECTION CHALLENGE: POST SOMETHING IN YOUR WINDOW AS A HELLO TO EVERYONE WALKING BY
Create connection by sending a love message to everyone walking by! It creates a sense of belonging which happens when we share a common experience. Post something up in your window, or chalk something on the sidewalk and send me a photo or post your photo on our Facebook post.
Share with your friends and colleagues!