The truth... I forgot about me.
As we slipped into the fifth day of the Joie de Vivre retreat, I saw the faces around me finally showing signs of ease. We were slowing down and letting happiness in. Just two days ago, we were resisting it fiercely. I am fascinated by how hard it is to let go before we can embrace joy.
Acknowledging the blocks we put in our own way takes courage.
We often believe happiness will just arrive one day as a by-product of doing the right things, trying hard, caring for others, showing up, being diligent. But for most of us on the retreat, the opposite seemed true. All those efforts leave us too exhausted to let happiness seep in. We collapse into bed, hoping it will show up tomorrow.
Finally, as I looked around the room, I saw ten women leaning back in their chairs, unhurried and unburdened by the fear of wondering if we really are worthy of the dreams we’ve just shared. They had given up the guilt of not pleasing everyone and the discomfort of rocking the boat and took responsibility for not noticing they had slipped from thriving into surviving. Letting go of fear and the stories that keep us there is no easy task.
So many rely on us to stay the same, to keep them stable, even if it shuts us down.
But today, we've become unstuck. Each of us is creating a personal vision of a life built on Joie de Vivre—the joy that comes from living well. We've slowed down enough to linger over lunch, stop and kiss the blooming roses, and break into impromptu dance parties when our favourite songs come on. From this fluid place of comfort in the spaciousness of time, we ask ourselves what it would look like to live a life with tenfold Joie.
It feels shameful to confess I had been living in survival mode. It’s remarkable I didn’t notice, though I sensed something was off. The things I loved became scheduled impositions. I pushed to find ease in my relationship, never feeling it flow. I forgot the joy of reading every morning and replaced birdsong on my walks with Spotify. I was constantly hustling from one deadline to another.
I shelved my craving for Joie and surrendered to survival.
White-knuckling through busy days, I dropped into bed too tired to find a new path to joy. I was growing tired, and finally, when I just couldn’t hold it all anymore, I stopped and just lay down. I feel defeated and embarrassed. I am the one who leads discovery. How could I have failed so miserably at the things I teach?
But here on retreat, I find respite. I can hear my desires now, and more importantly, I can hear my laughter. I’ve made a decision: I’m not waiting anymore. I cannot go back to survival. I know change will require much of me, but stagnation will cost so much more. I want to live with Joie de Vivre, to lift my eyes each day in anticipation of the surprising joys around me.
Joie de Vivre is its own pace. It is a heart rhythm where I am in coherence; I feel flow. In one simple but hard-won declaration, I have emancipated myself from the rules that everyone wants me to follow. I’ve learned the same lessons as the women around me. Isolation is the dream killer, not my lack of drive or intention. The togetherness we feel has made us bold. This sisterhood gives me the confidence to be honest and glorious at the same time.
I am returning to what lights me up. In a way, that leaves me longing for the next episode of my own life. I’m saying no when it isn’t a full-bodied YES! I’m following the energetic frisson of my dreams. Things will change. Thanks for being a part of my Joie de Vivre. Let’s continue to hold each other up.
